I’ve been sitting here in front of my computer for at least an hour trying to decide what to write about today. It’s another new month and it seems that I’ve ignored my blogging for a while now.
This morning I woke up around 4am. I don’t know what happened there but it seems that these (mostly) first week of the month is always a week of “women’s ordeal” not all woman are experiencing like me but probably in different ways. Anyway, so I just woke up because my brain is like a car engine, the moment you press that start bottom then that’s it, it keeps going and going until you decided to stop… period… It would have been easier if the brain is the same thing, right?
Behind me is a soft playing classical music. (my all time favourites) These calm me down whilst sipping my coffee and blogging at the same time.
So here’s what is happening. I’ve started and stopped a couple of ideas. I’ve clicked around the many open tabs I have on my computer. I’ve checked my email numerous times. All just trying to find inspiration to write about. I’ve had a streak of blogging at least every Monday for ten months now. That is what I pushed myself to do this year but I almost gave up and broke that streak. I am doing my journal almost everyday and its ok. My journal is mostly like my prayer pages, that I can express mostly of my life dramas and daily activities… and yes, it feels great in the end.
But here, I thought that I am missing my long blogging. This morning I’m pushing myself to blog something just to divert all these thoughts that are so busy in my little brain. It’s like organizing that compartment and put all these ideas unto their proper categories or perspectives. Lolz
I closed the tab but then reopened it immediately because I didn’t want to break my commitment to myself so I decided to just type about what I’m struggling with. It shows I’m not perfect. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have a perfect life.
There are so many areas of my personal and business life that I need to improve if I want to achieve certain goals in my life. I know that if I want to write more, then I can’t just decide on Monday what I’m going to write about and hope inspiration comes to me with a great idea. That’s a horrible strategy.
My day, up until this point, had been going well. I slept great but mostly when I’m not stressed and bothered about something else. I am so blessed with gazillion things and so happy that I’m here typing my thoughts again with these beautiful weather this morning. I am having a good coffee here at home and I am so free to do with whatever things that I wanted here and same time with my part-time work too.
Then here you are suddenly, its like work mode has disappeared. I knew today I needed to blog something but I had just been sitting here for an hour and came up with nothing.
It’s frustrating. I know that this is not how I should be writing. I know I need to better schedule what I’m going to do when I come to this point of writing. I know and pretty aware too that I can’t just decide on the spot what to do. Even though I know this is not the way to do it, I have done it for few years now. I am getting in my own way and holding myself back. Aye!
I’ve approached my day deciding what to do as I go for as long as I’ve been here for a while now. These pandemic lead me to a full time house Lorna, perhaps it’s the best way to do it. I’ve read books and articles about what the most successful people do and I can’t remember a single one approach their work like I have. They don’t get to the office and decide “Ok what am I going to work on right now?” They don’t do that for a few minutes only to remember an email needs to be replied to and do that real quick before jumping back.
With blogging, I know what I should be doing. I should be blogging every single day. I should have a batch of ideas but I felt like since the day I stop driving around that inspiration went a bit low but I’m giving myself an excuse that not all bloggers are really blogging every single day for the rest of their lives?
So that’s another opportunity for me to grow. I’m currently 45 days into doing 25 pushups at least a day. Struggle but I’m trying reeeeeeaaalllllly hard. I continue to do my walking and doing my Zumba dances too. These are challenges I set for myself to exercise more. I wanted to get into the habit of exercising and do so by starting small. So I’m doing good in that area but there’s much more that I need to be doing. As always, starting with small things will go beyond before you even know it. true.
I remember I blogged something about my first week of 2020. With all those promises, I remember telling myself that I do want my 2020 to be a year of transformation and yes, here it is. I know I can’t keep doing the same old things and expect different results.
I feel better now at least for writing my blog today. It’s not what I had planned, but I do hope that this is a kick in the butt for me to start changing how I do a lot of things.
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