MY LETTER TO YOU

October 24, 2017

Michel My love,

I always adore you, my love.

I know you had enough of me saying “I love you” all the time – but I don't only say, I write it. I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

It is such a terribly long time since I say “I love you” and such a long time that I didn't read any of your little notes left inside my books or on the kitchen counters or left in every corner of our 'home' – It's almost two years now and feels like forever. I know that writing is wonderful because even when you're gone – looking at your little notes seems like you're here, just there.... I don't know if that makes a lot of sense but I guess most might agree with me. I still continue to smell your little notes. I love that unique scent. Best perfume in the world.

My love, my husband and I call each other... “my better or my other half”. I know and understood your messages. I keep reading them and I carry them with me in my wallet so when i'm down, I just read your notes. It's helping me a lot. I just want to tell you that I love you. I know you may not be able to read this letter but you sure did read all my past notes to you. You said, “thank you sweety, I love you too.. i'm such a blessed and lucky man..”

Honestly, I find it so hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead – but I still want to comfort and support you (emotionally) in every way I can. - I want you to love me and care for me. I miss talking and sharing problems to discuss with you – I want to do little projects with you. I love to hear you saying, “well done sweety!” whenever I accomplish something. We started to make plans together and find it funny after discussing our terms together. - I miss your big laugh which is only once and in a while to hear. I miss everything about you! - can't do anything now. All are just plain figment of my imaginations, where is the “ideal man” and general instigator of all our many adventures.

Whenever you were not present to our special days, you worried because you thought I am sad. You needn't have worried nor sad. Just as I keep telling you, I love you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true – you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else – but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

This reminds me of the child, she was so scared with the ghost when she was young and when she grew up, she realized that the humans are more scarier. Funny but I tend to agree. I understand that now my love, so true. Sometimes, people forget that they are ghost themselves. Incredible. Gosh! I am so alone now and time to time, I keep telling to myself that I am so grateful that I've met you too my love because if I didn't meet you. I am most probably in the jungle right now mixed with the other monkeys, keep on leaping like a frog from different trees and when they're not busy they sit down in a staircase type and starts to find KUTO (lice) in their heads. Worst part is that, they eat their own lice.

My love, I remember all those moments that we were sitting at the porch of the hotel. We were talking about a lot of things. LIFE. I just want to write and share to the whole world that, I understood everything. I understood that life is what we make and we are the ones making choices and not other people. I understood that, facing mistakes is more an answer to the solutions and that it's a one step of being brave. I understood that, not all NICE people are NICE and BAD people are BAD. I understood that part of living a perfect life is living with no GUILTs and no REGRETs. A lot of things that I understood my love. You left me with so much treasure, a treasure to live by – not materials things but wisdom. “the body of knowledge and principles that develops within a specified society or period.” “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement, the quality of being WISE.” - see, the definition explains very well my love.

I am very aware now that you assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and you don't want to be in my way. Remember this part of our conversation whenever we are traveling? It was in Iceland when we were standing on that beautiful landscape viewing that huge and long waterfalls? It was very calm and all we can hear was the sound of the water falling, you said and I quote, “when I'm gone sweety, go and fly, live the life, continue living, you're still a young chick... go.. spread your wings...” - I remember I replied and said... “nobody is going to die, we will live.. we will spend two hundred years together!” then we laugh.. yes, you kiss my forehead and that was the other best part of my life, being with you... I LOVE YOU!

Lately my love, my life is more like a rolling coaster. My hormones is giving me so much trouble sometimes and believe me, i'm going nuts and bananas too! I thought I was climbing the wall! It took a while for me to settle and to calm down my love, looks like your technique of breathing IN and OUT is kind of working on me. I am also doing your stretching sessions. It works pretty well and I keep pushing myself to continue doing it.

Anyways, my love, I better finish my coffee now. It's getting colder and doesn't taste good. Guess what, I was listening to the song, Unchained Melody, soundtrack from the movie Ghost, remember we watched this twice? This made me think that perhaps, i'm gonna learn pottery and when I am good with controlling the pottery making, I will save a room just for pottery and will play the music, unchained melody and who knows maybe you will be there.... dancing with me? Funny. Movie perks!

Sigh... My love, strange but now its raining outside and its sunny too, bizarre. I think the weather knows my sentiments. I am not sad now because you are in my heart always. You know that I love you and that you loved me too. I am just really glad that we had that one moment in time before you passed out, we had this moment of appreciating each other, how blessed we were, I remember you keep telling me when we were rushing you to the hospital, how much you loved me and that you were so blessed that you have me in your life and I do too. Your last words, “I am so blessed to have you in my life, sweety. I love you”

My love Michel, I love you. I love my husband. My husband is dead.

Lorna

ps. I was not able to send you this email because my love, I honestly don't know your new address

FRIDAY Thoughts!

“When you think everything is someone else’s fault, you will suffer a lot. When you realize that everything springs only from yourself, you will learn both peace and joy.” - Dalai Lama

❤️ This is actually a post that I really like. I started sharing post back in late 2008 or 2009 about Dalai Lama (quotes) but somehow it keeps coming back, i guess its a way of keeping tracks when we overlook on little things that in fact, its simply a  REMINDING lines that saying.. "hey, there! slow down!"... I posted a lot of quotes on my FB page, and its funny to feel the impact on us, interested readers. 

 ♥ º ☆.¸¸.•´¯`♥  Why I'm am I sharing [more] positive quotes instead?... - The reason for me posting them is that many quotes are a kind of essence that will eventually LIFT YOU UP when you are emotionally disturb or emotionally down. That's why, i also think its important enough to think about them.

and FROM THE QUOTE: "It is very true that pointing out the mistakes of others, making them responsible for your current “bad situation” is the easy way out. But not really of course. Since that moves you into the powerless corner, where you basically have no control over your life anymore. Taking complete responsibility for yourself and your own environment gives you the ability to influence your life the way you want it. While it can be hard at first, this is a true move to power and the necessary first step in your personal growth." 

❤️ ❤️ Hope you are having a good start of your Friday.. Sharing love and peace my Beau-Friends! - ❤️ blissful Friday and weekend ahead!  ♥ º ☆.¸¸.•´¯`♥

(photo borrowed from the google search engine)

NEGATIVE HAPPINESS

"Happy people get a lot of joy from receiving benefits from others while people leading meaningful lives get a lot of joy from giving to others," explained Kathleen Vohs 

Some say, that NEGATIVE HAPPINESS define as -- miserable people who love to watch someone fail. Some will gossip stories about you and will put you down and will never be aware of their wrong doings and assume they are right. Some will use your words to destroy you... so determined to PUT YOU DOWN... I think that's just a few understanding about the NEGATIVE HAPPINESS. 

I happened to asked few friends on what they think about NEGATIVE HAPPINESS and some don't literally understand what it means, some say --  people bunch of crap! and some say... "perhaps, one feels happiness when there is jealousy, competition and bitterness in ones heart, the feeling you get when that person fails to accomplish things or just simply failed..." 

There are probably lot of opinions when you start asking about NEGATIVE HAPPINESS. You must be wondering why I'm into this. How do the happy life and the meaningful life differ? Happiness, they found, is about feeling good. Is it true that people who are happy tend to think that life is easy, when they are in good physical health, and they are able to buy the things that they need and want... WHILE not having enough money decreases how happy and meaningful you consider your life to be, it has a much greater impact on happiness. The happy life is also defined by a lack of stress or worry.

Does it means that transcends the self while happiness is all about giving the self what it wants. I do agree that sometimes, people who have high meaning in their lives are more likely to help others in need whilst some, will probably believe that not helping or being selfish is one of their key to happiness. 

In contrast to the other's happiness, the most sensitive part when you help is when you are expecting something in return, OR when you intended to make yourself known as the the kind of giver and get recognitions. Here comes the part where we see the difference between animals and human beings when pursuing happiness.. 

There are many examples of achieving happiness: Giving a part of yourself away to others and making a sacrifice on behalf of the someone else; In other words, the whole meaning of your life is to be a "kiss ass" talent in order to pursuit your purpose. "using your highest strengths and talents to belong to and serve something you believe is larger than the self."  - i've seen when people try to please other people beyond their limits when achieving happiness. (self-happiness). People whose lives have high levels of meaning often actively seek meaning out even when they know it will come at the expense of happiness, maybe because they have invested themselves in something bigger than themselves, they also worry more and have higher levels of stress and anxiety in their lives than happy people. 

"Partly what we do as human beings is to take care of others and contribute to others. This makes life meaningful but it does not necessarily make us happy," My friend, Bhea from Sri Lanka shared that when i asked her too.. 

Meaning its not only about transcending the self, but also about transcending the present moment. While happiness is an emotion felt in the here and now, it ultimately fades away, just as all emotions do; positive affect and feelings of pleasure are fleeting. The amount of time people feeling good or bad correlates with happiness but not at all with meaning.

On the other hand, Happiness is also enduring. It connects the past to the present to the future. Sometimes, we go beyond thinking about the present moment, into the past or future. Is this a sign of the relatively meaningful but unhappy life? Do you think, happiness is not generally found in contemplating the past or future? I really believe that people who thought more about the present are happier BUT people who spent more time thinking about the future or about their BAD SUFFERINGS or STRUGGLES from the past felt more meaning in their lives but they are less happy.

Lastly, when you invest yourself thinking about the negative events happened to you, this will definitely decreases your happiness but will eventually increases the meaning you have in life. THIS combination should not be mix with your sad emotions but instead, will clearly defined your purpose. 

Like what Frankl wrote... "If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering." 

“Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue.”  ― <a>Viktor E. Frankl</a>, <a>Man's Search for Meaning</a>