Sometimes, i thought i know what i need to do

I’ve been sitting here in front of my computer for at least an hour trying to decide what to write about today. It’s another new month and it seems that I’ve ignored my blogging for a while now.

This morning I woke up around 4am. I don’t know what happened there but it seems that these (mostly) first week of the month is always a week of “women’s ordeal” not all woman are experiencing like me but probably in different ways. Anyway, so I just woke up because my brain is like a car engine, the moment you press that start bottom then that’s it, it keeps going and going until you decided to stop… period… It would have been easier if the brain is the same thing, right? 

Behind me is a soft playing classical music. (my all time favourites) These calm me down whilst sipping my coffee and blogging at the same time. 

So here’s what is happening. I’ve started and stopped a couple of ideas. I’ve clicked around the many open tabs I have on my computer. I’ve checked my email numerous times. All just trying to find inspiration to write about. I’ve had a streak of blogging at least every Monday for ten months now. That is what I pushed myself to do this year but I almost gave up and broke that streak. I am doing my journal almost everyday and its ok. My journal is mostly like my prayer pages, that I can express mostly of my life dramas and daily activities… and yes, it feels great in the end. 

But here, I thought that I am missing my long blogging. This morning I’m pushing myself to blog something just to divert all these thoughts that are so busy in my little brain. It’s like organizing that compartment and put all these ideas unto their proper categories or perspectives. Lolz 

I closed the tab but then reopened it immediately because I didn’t want to break my commitment to myself so I decided to just type about what I’m struggling with. It shows I’m not perfect. I don’t have all the answers. I don’t have a perfect life.

There are so many areas of my personal and business life that I need to improve if I want to achieve certain goals in my life. I know that if I want to write more, then I can’t just decide on Monday what I’m going to write about and hope inspiration comes to me with a great idea. That’s a horrible strategy.

My day, up until this point, had been going well. I slept great but mostly when I’m not stressed and bothered about something else. I am so blessed with gazillion things and so happy that I’m here typing my thoughts again with these beautiful weather this morning. I am having a good coffee here at home and I am so free to do with whatever things that I wanted here and same time with my part-time work too.

Then here you are suddenly, its like work mode has disappeared. I knew today I needed to blog something but I had just been sitting here for an hour and came up with nothing.

It’s frustrating. I know that this is not how I should be writing. I know I need to better schedule what I’m going to do when I come to this point of writing. I know and pretty aware too that I can’t just decide on the spot what to do. Even though I know this is not the way to do it, I have done it for few years now. I am getting in my own way and holding myself back. Aye! 

I’ve approached my day deciding what to do as I go for as long as I’ve been here for a while now. These pandemic lead me to a full time house Lorna, perhaps it’s the best way to do it. I’ve read books and articles about what the most successful people do and I can’t remember a single one approach their work like I have. They don’t get to the office and decide “Ok what am I going to work on right now?” They don’t do that for a few minutes only to remember an email needs to be replied to and do that real quick before jumping back.

With blogging, I know what I should be doing. I should be blogging every single day. I should have a batch of ideas but I felt like since the day I stop driving around that inspiration went a bit low but I’m giving myself an excuse that not all bloggers are really blogging every single day for the rest of their lives?

So that’s another opportunity for me to grow. I’m currently 45 days into doing 25 pushups at least a day. Struggle but I’m trying reeeeeeaaalllllly hard. I continue to do my walking and doing my Zumba dances too. These are challenges I set for myself to exercise more. I wanted to get into the habit of exercising and do so by starting small. So I’m doing good in that area but there’s much more that I need to be doing. As always, starting with small things will go beyond before you even know it. true. 

I remember I blogged something about my first week of 2020. With all those promises, I remember telling myself that I do want my 2020 to be a year of transformation and yes, here it is. I know I can’t keep doing the same old things and expect different results.

I feel better now at least for writing my blog today. It’s not what I had planned, but I do hope that this is a kick in the butt for me to start changing how I do a lot of things.

 Rewind: Two Weeks Before the NCOV Lockdown: Auntie grant her nephews wish - To witness the sun rise in Atok

A couple of weeks ago before the home quarantine and the super lockdown. Me and my nephews drove to Atok to witness the sunrise. They’ve always wanted to join me for a drive but it was difficult to plan with their school schedules. And at long last, we finally found a time that worked for all of us!

In the end, we found the perfect weekend for us to drive around Atok. “Auntie, can we go to Atok please to where you took those photos of sun rise?” I was always hesitant to say “yes” because of their school schedule. Anyway, a day before we left for Atok, my three nephews came for sleep over because we needed to wake up very early the next day. 

We left home at exactly 4.25am and we arrived around 5.45am in Atok, I took my time driving as the  three boys were all sleeping inside the car. 

When we arrived in Atok, I took them to the spot where we can all relax whilst watching the sun rise. I had my super hot coffee with me, enjoyed  sipping whilst watching my three nephews so amazed watching the sunrise… “Thank you auntie for this..” They said as the sunrises. (i felt genuinely happy to hear that…) We’ve been planing this for almost months now and just by watching my three nephews happy I absolutely loving the sight and yes, I am truly blessed and every day, I am thankful for it. 

After our sunrise watching, we went to the Haights because its my favorite place to hang out and for breakfast, their menu is good for kids too… my three nephews enjoyed it very much. Then we continued our adventure, we went to the Grotto and there they are, enjoying their super free time. Me shouting here and there.. “please be careful when hopping on the rocks…” So much fun in the end.  

On our way back, we dropped quickly at the (former) highest point and they had some photo taken, thought to visit the Northern Blossom too but they were all disappointed with the massive number of visitors queuing. So much people so they said.. “auntie, we better go and eat our lunch!” So much relieved when I heard that because I have no interest of going inside the place… so much crowd.

On our way back home, I asked them if they enjoyed our road trip and they said, “The best day ever, auntie!”

To end our adventure, we wrapped up our lunch at the small local restaurant. We all had our own  choices of food to eat then head back home after wards. What a day. Totally fun filled adventure  and spending some quality ok time with my nephews, is something that I will treasure too. Thank you Father God for everything.

Here they are, enjoying the view before heading back home… 

Erros, once you’re on top of the world… 

Calm Carlhly on the edge.. 

When taking photos are the only way to bring out the best in you.. (raise the roof..)

Walking around the Haights… 

Boys watching the sunrise...

Another lovely adventure with nephews and thought we all had a great time! 

TWO TONES

In these unprecedented times, we do our part to be mindful of the health and safety of not only ourselves but everyone in our community. While we distance ourselves, we remain at home and find things to do. Making yourself busy inside the house is challenging especially if you are used to being active. So, I found myself opening old storage of photographs. These were my “untouched” or raw photos. I kept them for reasons that I might be needing them someday. Now that I am viewing them, it made me reflect and remember how I came to be involved with photography.

In June or July 2000, I first started with my d-SLR and at that time I thought my photography was hot stuff. There I was with a big heavy (manual) Minolta camera and a detachable lens! Well let me tell you a secret.

Back then, I really had NO idea what I was doing. Even though I never used full auto (the green box), I was a fan of the “face symbol” (portrait) and “running man” (sport) icons.  I let the camera decide most of what happened. For my first few months using the Minolta manual camera, I had no idea what ISO, Aperture, and Speed really meant. I read the manual, joined some photography workshops to understand their purpose, especially understanding exposure, I also did a little research online but most of the time I practiced and practiced some more. A lot of times, I was impatient because photo printing or having your photos developed took so long.

Recently, I was looking through old photos from year 2002. I thought I would try something and play with the lights and to see if I can come up with a theme. I cringed.  Then I analyzed a few more. The biggest things I noticed were underexposure and lack of clarity.  My photos were NOT sharp and one after another were dark.  Remember, I was in a form of “auto” mode.  The camera is smart, but not that smart.

In early 2003, I joined another photography workshop. The workshop helped me understand more about cameras and how to operate them. I learned about the sources of lights, time of the day and lots of basic rules including the rule of the thirds, etc. I was in full manual mode for exposure and things improved a lot. I got so excited to learn more and to improve myself, I joined different kinds of photography workshops.

Also, whenever I can afford, I upgraded my lenses. I donated my old Minolta camera and tried Nikon which made a huge difference. But the biggest difference, in hindsight was learning to select my focus points in the back of my camera. When I was first learning, everyone said “focus and recompose.”  And so, I did.  This led to one soft or blurry image after another.  My depth of field was somehow, a “come what may…” They were just never crisp.

Later in 2003, I landed on my first project and that was the Street Photography.

I experimented with all the icons of my camera just to compare the differences of images. What is it like to use the “auto” symbol or the “M-S-P-A”? At first, I didn’t see any difference, but you can tell, most of them were not sharp, not crisp.

Now that I am looking at them, I am laughing because back then, I thought they were okay, but I can tell you honestly, they are not tack sharp. I remember I had to asked someone to help me with focusing and capturing the subject that I wanted, until I was told that, I had to keep taking photos and choose which image best describe the current event or emotions. Journalism.

I enjoyed doing that freelance gig and enjoyed describing the photos. Working with the street children and documenting their life stories gave me mix emotions. It both beautiful and sad. It was an honor to witness the happenings in their lives.

Today, I am not going to share those street children photos. I was looking through my old photos and came across of some images that were supposedly for my 2008 photo exhibit in Thailand. We ended up not using these images because we changed the theme for the exhibit. Now I have time to re-edit them and I thought it would be nice to share some of them here.

These images remind me of the last project I had about stripes, two tones color in the wild. It was exciting because it allowed me to walk around the park where I saw different animals and able to observe their natures.

To sum up my thoughts, I am happy to share my mistakes with the world of photography because I believe that it is important to track your own growth as a photographer. You should only compare your photography to your own past work.  If you start looking at other photographers, you will always find someone better than you, and some worse.  And you will never gain self-confidence.

I want you to learn from my mistakes.  If even a few people look back at their old photos today and see how they have grown, it is so much worth it.  If you come back to this post and share a tip in the comments on what was instrumental in improving your photography, others can learn from you too. I expect to look back at my current work someday and think “wow, in 2012, I had no clue…”

Here’s an “instant flashback” of mine.  I did a quick re-edit, which helped, but I know if I was in this same location today the photo would be much improved in focused, lighting, composition and more.  As the unknown authored quote goes, “Strive to be a better version of yourself.”

Thank you for taking the time to read my rather lengthy note about photography today. Be passionate in what you do. Motivation and inspiration have always a way of coming to you.

Be well and stay safe, hopefully this global pandemic will soon be behind us! 🙏🌹

JUNE THOUGHTS

Normally, whenever I post on Facebook there’s always a photo attached to it. A photo that inspired me to create lines and share them with you. This time, I thought of just putting them on to my Facebook page.

I’ve been thinking a lot last night. I’ve been missing him. I miss those times when we sit together, have our coffee, he lights his cigar then he starts to educate me about life. I was thinking, how many days, months or years left for me to live, to enjoy this life? Tricky question isn’t it?

Just the other day when I was inside the temple. I had a sudden thought of giving blogging another try. I will re-start my blog and share stories that I may encounter or freshly a story of my own. The thing that drew me to share my Life’s stories was the idea of writing a story that shows the way Father God is at work in my daily life.

However, as I look at some of my stories these past few years, I began to wonder whether I had any interesting stories to share. I had been a stay-at-home Lorna since I became a widow, (sorry I don’t like to mention his name as it’s my deliberate choice) I wanted to try to convey that something was missing in the story. In this case, I’ll just share what comes to mind. So…what could I write about? Did or do I have any stories that anyone would want to read? Most of the time, when you share blogs or stories some may appreciate it, some will even love it or some may just tell you, “great share” or some may say.. "move on..." After a while I decided to come back to the vision of traveling. Yeah, I have been traveling and seeing places and it feels pretty good. It felt good especially when I’m driving and discovering places that I've heard of but never been or never seen. 

Then again, I might as well share some of my reflections of faith from my everyday life. I began to think about the things Father God taught me when I lost my husband. I thought I was left all alone and emotionally drained. Drained by so many things then finding how to calm this busy mind. Fortunately, it will naturally settle down, then you will come back to senses. I say Amen to that!

At the time, I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive, but by God’s grace. I did and still continue surviving. God has a way of letting me understand that we all have a purpose in life and He used those years of my feeling alone to change me, my heart and my attitude to situations. Everyday, God’s faithfulness in our everyday struggles, I love to share that prayer is very powerful.

Sometimes, when I am overwhelmed I tend to forget things. Normal, perhaps? But I am very grateful for all the blessings that God gave me and the blessings I receive every day.

I remember blogging about stories of those times when I was fortunate. Ha! Yeah, I was there too long time ago. I shared a lot of photos. Having the chance to wear fancy dresses, being in a high society parties and cocktails, eating expensive meals and drinking expensive wines and champagnes. I was taught how to open a champagne using a sword, yes, that was really something. I learned how to communicate properly with people… Wow! What a life, ha… but in the end, I also have a heart for helping people. That’s where my photography came in. I took photos and exhibited them for a cause. It worked surprisingly well. I was able to expand my creativity as an artist and learned a lot from that experience. 

Those years of being totally independent in life taught me a lot, so much lessons that I simply can’t name them all because there was always something going on every day. I am sure there are people who can relate with my experiences but sometimes, I am craving for words to define life when the situation gets complicated or tricky.

Sometimes, we start to see the goodness in a person once they’re gone. We start to appreciate their good deeds and their good intentions when we don’t see them anymore. I mean, I do appreciate and grateful to people when they are nice to me or when they do good to me. Thing is, I just don’t want you to become a candidate of someone feeling so guilty about something that you wished you could have done before. Some people post stuff on Facebook like a snap of a pose because they were standing for a minute in the suburbs and sometimes I can’t help but wonder, did they really feel it? Did they sleep there, interacted with the community and talked about their daily lives? Yeah, because at one stage, I did. We did! Somewhat felt like a tourist and whatever you do, you don’t actually fit in, so just pack your things and leave. 

In a way, I started blogging everywhere I go, taking any opportunity, about any thoughts, when I’m in a typing mood, in my laptop which I actually find entertaining and relaxing. Although, sometimes, I am quick to start then I find myself having a difficult time ending it, lol, sort of what writer’s refer to as writer’s block.

I feel like there is something fitting about (continuing to share) my blogging. I’m so thankful for all the blessings that is coming to my life. I love adventures because whenever I am driving all by myself or all alone, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the daily gifts God has given me and the way He uses difficult circumstances to teach us lessons of patience, humility and love. And for that, I am thankful. 

I will still try to continue to reflect on my life’s events and try to share them on my Facebook page. It might not be all the time but when I can, I will use words and photos as a mirror of life. 

SIMPLY DEFINING my CLOSURE

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown

The word CLOSURE keep running to me little brain after my (final or last) meeting yesterday in Vietnam and i was like trying to find that subject that i can resemble to that matter. Is it weird to feel the need for closure? For whole trip I end up exploring the notion of closure, the more convinced I become that the issue isn’t about closure per se, but rather redefining what closure is. I think these is the part where sunflower came to me mind, I have no idea as to why.. 

Is it maybe the sunflower defines that notion.. The sunflower follows the sun. There's always hope and tomorrow, simply like that.. or maybe Im talking crap right now or maybe it says that when the sunflower bend down and fall its yellow petals unto the ground, it means, ending any kind of relationship or connection or role or I don't know... maybe it doesn't. 

I was on my way to the airport after our meeting yesterday in Hanoi. I had this rather short reflection inside the car and i had this mixed emotions. I felt like I just came out from these very dark cave and I felt so good after seeing the light, it was more of a relief after coming from a crumble situation with all those tears, time and energy for few years. 

For years, I was shackled to the belief that there must be a good end to (any) bad relationship or role, no matter how bad that was and until that happens, its more glorious to move on! I had these past experience dealing with people whom I define 'my past' and clearly no matter how bad they are to me, I feel like... I was able wrapped up that situation and throw all in the bin and i felt good! Until then, that's the part to wipe those hands, clean and go about life with closure...

Sometimes, no matter how good you are to people and agonizing about tying to have these heartfelt and 'necessary' conversations with people with whom you thought you had fallouts but trying seems not to work because only to realize that you're not really important anymore. The statement goes like these... “you got yours, I got mine...” 

This morning, i thought I'm gonna play with my camera and find inspiration to define the word closure. (made me smile just now... ) simply defines as FINALITY? Letting go of what once was? (Yes, i accepted the fact that my husband is dead.) Lots of huge happenings in my life, my past that i can't undo but learning from it. My transition away from what's finished to something new. Simply trying to find something different possibilities. 

I might not have gotten everything I wanted exactly in the way that I had envisioned, but Im glad that I was able to get myself to a place where I understood and accepted a lot of things. 

I was ready to move on and learn to begin a new chapter of my life. Sigh... 

Some days it comes easier than others. There are times when I want to dwell on how much it sucks that I have to work so hard to feel okay sometimes.

On the tough days, I am learning to go inward. I practice positive self-talk, celebrate how far I’ve come, and remind myself that closure is not just one thing. I remind myself that I have the power to create all the closure I need if I keep practicing and having faith.

Lastly, I also learned that you will become a better creature of 'closure' if you don't have any regrets and guilts in your life, no matter how much money you've got, no matter how many countries you've seen or travelled or no matter how far you go, that my friend is no closure for you at all. Forgive yourself and don't grow stubborn and spoiled. Learn to have a good heart and understand that not all people are like you. Be compassionate in the name of love but not in the name of money or material things.

Maybe it’s about learning to become a detective for closure in your everyday life in order to find it in your own way.

...till then, the flowers come and go but hope it doesn't, it remains...

MY LETTER TO YOU

October 24, 2017

Michel My love,

I always adore you, my love.

I know you had enough of me saying “I love you” all the time – but I don't only say, I write it. I write it because it makes me warm all over inside to write it to you.

It is such a terribly long time since I say “I love you” and such a long time that I didn't read any of your little notes left inside my books or on the kitchen counters or left in every corner of our 'home' – It's almost two years now and feels like forever. I know that writing is wonderful because even when you're gone – looking at your little notes seems like you're here, just there.... I don't know if that makes a lot of sense but I guess most might agree with me. I still continue to smell your little notes. I love that unique scent. Best perfume in the world.

My love, my husband and I call each other... “my better or my other half”. I know and understood your messages. I keep reading them and I carry them with me in my wallet so when i'm down, I just read your notes. It's helping me a lot. I just want to tell you that I love you. I know you may not be able to read this letter but you sure did read all my past notes to you. You said, “thank you sweety, I love you too.. i'm such a blessed and lucky man..”

Honestly, I find it so hard to understand in my mind what it means to love you after you are dead – but I still want to comfort and support you (emotionally) in every way I can. - I want you to love me and care for me. I miss talking and sharing problems to discuss with you – I want to do little projects with you. I love to hear you saying, “well done sweety!” whenever I accomplish something. We started to make plans together and find it funny after discussing our terms together. - I miss your big laugh which is only once and in a while to hear. I miss everything about you! - can't do anything now. All are just plain figment of my imaginations, where is the “ideal man” and general instigator of all our many adventures.

Whenever you were not present to our special days, you worried because you thought I am sad. You needn't have worried nor sad. Just as I keep telling you, I love you in so many ways so much. And now it is clearly even more true – you can give me nothing now yet I love you so that you stand in my way of loving anyone else – but I want you to stand there. You, dead, are so much better than anyone else alive.

This reminds me of the child, she was so scared with the ghost when she was young and when she grew up, she realized that the humans are more scarier. Funny but I tend to agree. I understand that now my love, so true. Sometimes, people forget that they are ghost themselves. Incredible. Gosh! I am so alone now and time to time, I keep telling to myself that I am so grateful that I've met you too my love because if I didn't meet you. I am most probably in the jungle right now mixed with the other monkeys, keep on leaping like a frog from different trees and when they're not busy they sit down in a staircase type and starts to find KUTO (lice) in their heads. Worst part is that, they eat their own lice.

My love, I remember all those moments that we were sitting at the porch of the hotel. We were talking about a lot of things. LIFE. I just want to write and share to the whole world that, I understood everything. I understood that life is what we make and we are the ones making choices and not other people. I understood that, facing mistakes is more an answer to the solutions and that it's a one step of being brave. I understood that, not all NICE people are NICE and BAD people are BAD. I understood that part of living a perfect life is living with no GUILTs and no REGRETs. A lot of things that I understood my love. You left me with so much treasure, a treasure to live by – not materials things but wisdom. “the body of knowledge and principles that develops within a specified society or period.” “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgement, the quality of being WISE.” - see, the definition explains very well my love.

I am very aware now that you assure me that I am foolish and that you want me to have full happiness and you don't want to be in my way. Remember this part of our conversation whenever we are traveling? It was in Iceland when we were standing on that beautiful landscape viewing that huge and long waterfalls? It was very calm and all we can hear was the sound of the water falling, you said and I quote, “when I'm gone sweety, go and fly, live the life, continue living, you're still a young chick... go.. spread your wings...” - I remember I replied and said... “nobody is going to die, we will live.. we will spend two hundred years together!” then we laugh.. yes, you kiss my forehead and that was the other best part of my life, being with you... I LOVE YOU!

Lately my love, my life is more like a rolling coaster. My hormones is giving me so much trouble sometimes and believe me, i'm going nuts and bananas too! I thought I was climbing the wall! It took a while for me to settle and to calm down my love, looks like your technique of breathing IN and OUT is kind of working on me. I am also doing your stretching sessions. It works pretty well and I keep pushing myself to continue doing it.

Anyways, my love, I better finish my coffee now. It's getting colder and doesn't taste good. Guess what, I was listening to the song, Unchained Melody, soundtrack from the movie Ghost, remember we watched this twice? This made me think that perhaps, i'm gonna learn pottery and when I am good with controlling the pottery making, I will save a room just for pottery and will play the music, unchained melody and who knows maybe you will be there.... dancing with me? Funny. Movie perks!

Sigh... My love, strange but now its raining outside and its sunny too, bizarre. I think the weather knows my sentiments. I am not sad now because you are in my heart always. You know that I love you and that you loved me too. I am just really glad that we had that one moment in time before you passed out, we had this moment of appreciating each other, how blessed we were, I remember you keep telling me when we were rushing you to the hospital, how much you loved me and that you were so blessed that you have me in your life and I do too. Your last words, “I am so blessed to have you in my life, sweety. I love you”

My love Michel, I love you. I love my husband. My husband is dead.

Lorna

ps. I was not able to send you this email because my love, I honestly don't know your new address

VISITING THE PHU QUOC PRISON

"To be able to get testimony from the revolutionary prisoners, the prison guards at Phu Quoc applied different methods of brutal torture to the prisoners. Some of the tortures include, electric chair injection, breaking one's tooth while other watch crucifixion thrown in a hot pan or hot tank."

Sadness, misery, agony, terrifying and anger are just but the few words that describes the emotions I felt yesterday when we visited the prison. I honestly don't understand but the moment I stepped in inside the prison ground, I felt this heavy burden, having ghost bumps and really pure sadness. I really thought I'm emotionally strong when it comes to things like this but this is completely a different story. Visiting the prison made me realize and understand why some people are so bitter, mean and disliking other people. Hearth breaking. 

inside the prisoners barracks

"The Phu Quoc prison also known as the Coconut Tree prison is located in An Thoi Village Phu Quoc and is one of the largest prisons in Southern Vietnam. The prison held more than 32,000 prisoners and sometimes the prison will hold 40,000 inmates, this was more than the number of people living in Phu Quoc at the time.

The prison was re-built by the U.S troops after it was first build by the French troops during the Indochina war. The new prison had rooms for men, women and elders, new blocks were constructed to imprison more Vietnamese soldiers in 1966 amid tight security and tight supervision all the time."

Yes, I've seen and visited the Killing Fields and the Toul Sleng Genocide Museum in Phnom Penh, Cambodia where they 'exhibiting the photographs of the site from Pol Pot's secret prison code named "S-21" during his genocidal rule in 1975-79. It was between 1-2 million Cambodians and many thousands of foreigners were starved, tortured, or killed during this reign of terror." I've also visited the Catacombs of Paris, France which holds the remains of over six million people in a small part of the ancient mines of Paris tunnel network.

I meant to mention the two museums that i've seen because I'm trying to understand the emotional differences I felt when i visited the prison camp. Here, they have recreated a part of the larger prison camp and re-built it to it's former condition using models of soldiers prisoners to depict many horrific scenes throughout the area. Many of the models are shown being tortured in a variety of ways but the most gruesome has to be the barbwire tigers cages. Small two feet high cages only large enough to fit a person in set outside in the heat of the day and cold of night where the information advises on little for and water and fires being set next to them to further burn the prisoners until their skin just came away. Must have been a terrible ordeal. Mind you most of the torture was pretty horrific and the models on display enabled you to get a good impression on how things must have been.

Prisoner in the hot pot.

Prisoner tied, hanged and beaten.

Different ways of torturing the Prisoners

Burying the prisoner alive (photo borrowed from google)

I am not over acting but I honestly, cant stop my tears from falling. It's just about around 2pm when we arrived there, sunny and pretty humid. With my big sunglasses on, I discreetly drying my tears when Ms. Tuyen, my tour guide that day says whilst she's gently comforting me.

Prisoners are locked (more than 8 hours)  inside the container where its very hot, dirty and smelly.

As I'm walking towards the wax exhibits, I suddenly felt this strong connection from the past. It was like two worlds experience. You're in the future and yet the feelings or emotions you have at that moment is on the past. I was telling myself, lucky i didn't experience this events and lucky i was not born or as there during the years of wars. There were about 21 prisoners who where lucky enough to escape from that prison, they dig a tunnel using spoons or any objects that can help on that part, unfortunately, some of them died in the forest because of starvation and some survived and their descendants carry their legacy.

Prisoners are escaping

"To escape from the "Hell on Earth", the prisoners organized over 40 jailbreaks between July 1972 and about 300 inmates escaped to resume their revolutionary cause."

Prisoner digging the tunnel using spoons or any hard materials to dig the soil.

"The entrance of tunnel was usually dug beneath their sleeping planks and was camouflaged carefully. A team was in charge of guarding while other were digging. Tools were rudimentarily made by the prisoners themselves from whatever possible such as spoons or pieces of waste canteens, barbwire and dustbins.

Barbwires to avoid prisoners from escaping

Notably, the first 120m-long tunnel was dug at Room 13 of Prison Camp B2 in late 1969. It took the prisoners half a year to complete the work to enable 21 prisoners to successfully escape. In addition, a 113 meter-long tunnel at Prison Camp A4 men to the freedom in the late of night in December 23rd 1971."

"Among possible ways to escape, such as secretly jumping over fences, attacking enemy troops while they escorted the prisoners to work in field, or digging secrete tunnels which was proven to be the most effective one."

Here's how the original Tiger cage looks like. Saw this outside the prison.

The original Tiger cage (where they detained the prisoner) left outside the prison camp. 

With this recent experience, my anger changed to pity. I felt pity for all of them. The prison emphasized so much on the torturing towards the prisoners and when you think about it, the soldiers are like robots, they are as well doing what it being told them to do so. I think, they all are the victims here. The prison is a must see once you are in Phu Quoc island. I must say that this was the highlight of my trip that day. The moment you go in, you will feel that hardship, the tortures (both emotional and physical) and a big relief once you are out of the prison like the 21 prisoners did.