JUNE THOUGHTS

Normally, whenever I post on Facebook there’s always a photo attached to it. A photo that inspired me to create lines and share them with you. This time, I thought of just putting them on to my Facebook page.

I’ve been thinking a lot last night. I’ve been missing him. I miss those times when we sit together, have our coffee, he lights his cigar then he starts to educate me about life. I was thinking, how many days, months or years left for me to live, to enjoy this life? Tricky question isn’t it?

Just the other day when I was inside the temple. I had a sudden thought of giving blogging another try. I will re-start my blog and share stories that I may encounter or freshly a story of my own. The thing that drew me to share my Life’s stories was the idea of writing a story that shows the way Father God is at work in my daily life.

However, as I look at some of my stories these past few years, I began to wonder whether I had any interesting stories to share. I had been a stay-at-home Lorna since I became a widow, (sorry I don’t like to mention his name as it’s my deliberate choice) I wanted to try to convey that something was missing in the story. In this case, I’ll just share what comes to mind. So…what could I write about? Did or do I have any stories that anyone would want to read? Most of the time, when you share blogs or stories some may appreciate it, some will even love it or some may just tell you, “great share” or some may say.. "move on..." After a while I decided to come back to the vision of traveling. Yeah, I have been traveling and seeing places and it feels pretty good. It felt good especially when I’m driving and discovering places that I've heard of but never been or never seen. 

Then again, I might as well share some of my reflections of faith from my everyday life. I began to think about the things Father God taught me when I lost my husband. I thought I was left all alone and emotionally drained. Drained by so many things then finding how to calm this busy mind. Fortunately, it will naturally settle down, then you will come back to senses. I say Amen to that!

At the time, I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive, but by God’s grace. I did and still continue surviving. God has a way of letting me understand that we all have a purpose in life and He used those years of my feeling alone to change me, my heart and my attitude to situations. Everyday, God’s faithfulness in our everyday struggles, I love to share that prayer is very powerful.

Sometimes, when I am overwhelmed I tend to forget things. Normal, perhaps? But I am very grateful for all the blessings that God gave me and the blessings I receive every day.

I remember blogging about stories of those times when I was fortunate. Ha! Yeah, I was there too long time ago. I shared a lot of photos. Having the chance to wear fancy dresses, being in a high society parties and cocktails, eating expensive meals and drinking expensive wines and champagnes. I was taught how to open a champagne using a sword, yes, that was really something. I learned how to communicate properly with people… Wow! What a life, ha… but in the end, I also have a heart for helping people. That’s where my photography came in. I took photos and exhibited them for a cause. It worked surprisingly well. I was able to expand my creativity as an artist and learned a lot from that experience. 

Those years of being totally independent in life taught me a lot, so much lessons that I simply can’t name them all because there was always something going on every day. I am sure there are people who can relate with my experiences but sometimes, I am craving for words to define life when the situation gets complicated or tricky.

Sometimes, we start to see the goodness in a person once they’re gone. We start to appreciate their good deeds and their good intentions when we don’t see them anymore. I mean, I do appreciate and grateful to people when they are nice to me or when they do good to me. Thing is, I just don’t want you to become a candidate of someone feeling so guilty about something that you wished you could have done before. Some people post stuff on Facebook like a snap of a pose because they were standing for a minute in the suburbs and sometimes I can’t help but wonder, did they really feel it? Did they sleep there, interacted with the community and talked about their daily lives? Yeah, because at one stage, I did. We did! Somewhat felt like a tourist and whatever you do, you don’t actually fit in, so just pack your things and leave. 

In a way, I started blogging everywhere I go, taking any opportunity, about any thoughts, when I’m in a typing mood, in my laptop which I actually find entertaining and relaxing. Although, sometimes, I am quick to start then I find myself having a difficult time ending it, lol, sort of what writer’s refer to as writer’s block.

I feel like there is something fitting about (continuing to share) my blogging. I’m so thankful for all the blessings that is coming to my life. I love adventures because whenever I am driving all by myself or all alone, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the daily gifts God has given me and the way He uses difficult circumstances to teach us lessons of patience, humility and love. And for that, I am thankful. 

I will still try to continue to reflect on my life’s events and try to share them on my Facebook page. It might not be all the time but when I can, I will use words and photos as a mirror of life. 

Sunset in my life

“Sunset is a wonderful opportunity for us to appreciate all the great things the sun gives us!” ― Mehmet Murat ildan

Whoa! It has certainly been a while! I remember the last time I was taking photos of the ocean was when I was in Indonesia, that was a year ago. My photo shots is taking me everywhere and I'm really enjoying it. I've been putting my heart and soul into my new project and hopefully it will be fruitful in the end.

The majority of my time will be spent on my website, as i'm busy upgrading and updating my details and busy also doing my project.

Today, I thought to change my cover photo because I thought its about time. Lolz. This sunset photo inspired me a lot lately. From the word “sunset” it already says something powerful about life.

I thought this photo speaks to me so well. I've been through all the ups and downs this past months. Many incidents that is teaching me and reminding me that sometimes, “shit happens.” In some ways, it hit me a bit and changed the way I see and do things.

Over time, I must say that at one stage, my inbox has been flooded with emails from friends around the world, reminding me.. and I quote.. “hey, you're not that.. people think you're like that, but you're not..” OR “..expect people to judge you but let it be, it will pass, real friends will always be there for you no matter what...” what a sweet lines to read, right?

T'was really a one wonderful feeling to know that there are people out there, who cares, loyal and will emotionally support you. I was also touched when I talked to my best friend Abel about life and shit... he said, “people love to see you fall so don't get provoked with their nonsense.. be strong and have faith...” – Going back to my zodiac, it came to me and made me remember, is this really the year of the dragon where its being picked by the sheep? Apparently, not all the dragons are spitting fire, isn't it.. lolz..

As I was taking a photo of the sunset. I thought i'm gonna sit on this big stone and leave my camera next to me. I started again to reflect with so many things. I knew this is what I needed to do. Rewind and unwind.

You know, there's something especially powerful about connecting with people. First, strangers. You will get to know them, become friends, then fights, then hatred, then enemies until suddenly. Sadness.. then again, happiness because you start to meet another strangers and will become friends... its a cycle. But if you come to think about it, seems, to be a Stranger from the start but the connection brought you to life. The journey into wholeness, fulfillment, bliss, self-awareness and purpose that just makes you come even more alive.

So, as the sun started to slowly bidding goodbye. I finally realized that, what happened today is gone. We can't undo things. I guess the sunset speaks a lot with me today. It basically says that, I should work on letting go and stop caring what everyone else thinking and instead define MYSELF. That's a lot of thinking but I figured out how to turn those dark days into something much bigger. I learned that I should continue to live life (on purpose). I learned what it meant to feel blissfully alive while living in alignment with my truth.

(sigh) Anyways, It's now getting dark so I have to go back to our room. On my way back, I took few snap shots of the beach. Which i'm gonna be sharing with you soon.

Life must move on even if the sun sets. Tomorrow is another day filled with sun that shines upon us. Be grateful and happiness will naturally comes back to you.

Much love my dear Friends and thank you once again for reading my long journal today.

...THE THOUGHT OF...

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn't have the time to sit around and talk about you. What's important to me is not others' opinions of me, but what's important to me is my opinion of myself.”  ― C. JoyBell C

Going through the pace of adjustment period is always the part where challenges arises. Before my surgery, I went pretty deep thinking about the pleasant and unpleasant experiences I'm gonna go through after my operation. I noticed that the part of accepting something new especially when it comes to your health is pretty serious. I don't really know if i can make this change especially when it comes to food intake (strict diet menu) in a long term commitment but i will try. lolz


After two to three weeks of not writing my journal. I thought i will be writing again a long paragraphs of thoughts. I remember when i was at the hospital, i started to reflect again on many things especially those experiences that i've encountered from bad and good. I found that there are many people trying to search for love outside themselves and its about searching for someone to show them that love is such a big word and it does mean a lot of things. BUT. in fact, the only person who can actually show you love is YOURSELF. The condition is, IF you open your own heart and forgive, you will eventually find INNER PEACE and not only LOVE. 


There is this friend of mine in Singapore. She always love me since the day one we meet. (12 years ago). She's amazing and i am scared of how much i care and feel the appreciation of how loving she is to me. I am not perfect. I hurt myself sometimes, i hurt her, but we always come to the point of solving things with love. A love friendship. I believe that when you ACCEPT a person for who they are, the day you meet them (no judging the person from the surface)... you will never feel doubt and if there is, you will always go back to the good times and renew. LEARNING how to LOVE is such a tricky one because there will always be challenges that will come along the way. 


Life is really complicated when we complicate it. Im sure you agree with me... but I've learned too that in any relationship there are these few waves that we will go through yet we are still grateful for these feelings, the emotions: the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the heartbreak, the tears of both and neither, there are many people out there who encountered or experienced pain and yet.. we still find LOVE at the end. 


Oh well, that's pretty long one. lolz.. Hope you didn't get bored reading.. lolz. 

FIRST TANDEM OF THE YEAR: UNDERSTAND & FORGIVE --- (and learn from it)

"...people change, even good people, if they get the wrong thing in their head. And not everything is always what it looks like and sometimes just because one person looks weak, they might be very strong, and another person might look like a spooky freak but he might be one of the kindest people you'd ever meet. And I guess I learned that time is slippery...We have to enjoy every second, love with all our hearts, all we can, while we can.”  ― Lee Thompson

How i really wish that sometimes, people will also understand and respect your feelings and NOT take that for granted. Sometimes, in some situations, people always believe that you will ALWAYS understand them, even in an obvious situation that they are the ones at fault. There are many circumstances when we encounter people like this. Does it has to do with familiarity? It's when you open the door to certain people and when that door is fully opened, sadly.. some will just take that as an opportunity, an opportunity for you to become their prey. 

It feels so funny when people don't let go of the past. They stick on that memory and will use that as their defense mechanism to protect their guilt. Pathetic! What a sad way of letting go of someone whom you thought its a good person. 2015 is here and like the rest of us, let go of the past and life must move on. Unfortunately, even if you're avoiding those past (unhappy) experiences and negative people, they are always there. Lucky there's a word.. 'choice". On the other hand, I always believe that when you are kind to these people, you are always the victim of their trashy personalities.

Many experiences came along my way and i tell you, all those experiences thought me to understand the word, FIERCE! Even though this may seem pretty obvious to a lot of people, you still find way to realize how lucky you are.

The other day, i received a message from a good friend, she mentioned to me about her crappy experiences. Apparently, stories were accumulated and she can't take it anymore. I asked her how things happened and she started to tell me.. "i heard from..... " I listened to her stories until she felt better, whilst reading all her stories, i realized that i just wasted 60 seconds of time, reading all these non-sense so i told her.. "you're basically hurt because of the stories, YOU HEARD?..." and she replied and said... "yes, because the person who told me was a close friend of mine..."



The day, i discovered the people who are truly fake (at least from what i've proven was right) i've given another chance (they don't even know that.. lolz..) until i had enough of them and honestly, it was very easy for me to accept who they are.. t'was an A-plus to let go, to understand, to forgive and to never forget what they taught me (on how) to deal with them, perhaps? Mostly, there will be NO space of sorrow or anger. Purely, gained my inner peace... and for their own benefit, it's a free world after all, so i'm just gonna enjoy eating my pop-corn watching them with their own little, tiny, bitsy, mind grinding with all their stories on their brains and proclaim they are always RIGHT.. lolz.. 



I don’t appreciate being judged, and I know I don’t deserve it. Just like none of us deserve misdirected rage from a family member, coworker, or stranger. We have a right to set boundaries and communicate when something is not okay. But the world is a better place when we choose to do that from a place of love and compassion, instead of righteousness and judgment. We all act thoughtlessly at times. Most often we don’t mean to hurt each other. We just don’t recognize or remember how to STOP hurting ourselves.