JUNE THOUGHTS

Normally, whenever I post on Facebook there’s always a photo attached to it. A photo that inspired me to create lines and share them with you. This time, I thought of just putting them on to my Facebook page.

I’ve been thinking a lot last night. I’ve been missing him. I miss those times when we sit together, have our coffee, he lights his cigar then he starts to educate me about life. I was thinking, how many days, months or years left for me to live, to enjoy this life? Tricky question isn’t it?

Just the other day when I was inside the temple. I had a sudden thought of giving blogging another try. I will re-start my blog and share stories that I may encounter or freshly a story of my own. The thing that drew me to share my Life’s stories was the idea of writing a story that shows the way Father God is at work in my daily life.

However, as I look at some of my stories these past few years, I began to wonder whether I had any interesting stories to share. I had been a stay-at-home Lorna since I became a widow, (sorry I don’t like to mention his name as it’s my deliberate choice) I wanted to try to convey that something was missing in the story. In this case, I’ll just share what comes to mind. So…what could I write about? Did or do I have any stories that anyone would want to read? Most of the time, when you share blogs or stories some may appreciate it, some will even love it or some may just tell you, “great share” or some may say.. "move on..." After a while I decided to come back to the vision of traveling. Yeah, I have been traveling and seeing places and it feels pretty good. It felt good especially when I’m driving and discovering places that I've heard of but never been or never seen. 

Then again, I might as well share some of my reflections of faith from my everyday life. I began to think about the things Father God taught me when I lost my husband. I thought I was left all alone and emotionally drained. Drained by so many things then finding how to calm this busy mind. Fortunately, it will naturally settle down, then you will come back to senses. I say Amen to that!

At the time, I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive, but by God’s grace. I did and still continue surviving. God has a way of letting me understand that we all have a purpose in life and He used those years of my feeling alone to change me, my heart and my attitude to situations. Everyday, God’s faithfulness in our everyday struggles, I love to share that prayer is very powerful.

Sometimes, when I am overwhelmed I tend to forget things. Normal, perhaps? But I am very grateful for all the blessings that God gave me and the blessings I receive every day.

I remember blogging about stories of those times when I was fortunate. Ha! Yeah, I was there too long time ago. I shared a lot of photos. Having the chance to wear fancy dresses, being in a high society parties and cocktails, eating expensive meals and drinking expensive wines and champagnes. I was taught how to open a champagne using a sword, yes, that was really something. I learned how to communicate properly with people… Wow! What a life, ha… but in the end, I also have a heart for helping people. That’s where my photography came in. I took photos and exhibited them for a cause. It worked surprisingly well. I was able to expand my creativity as an artist and learned a lot from that experience. 

Those years of being totally independent in life taught me a lot, so much lessons that I simply can’t name them all because there was always something going on every day. I am sure there are people who can relate with my experiences but sometimes, I am craving for words to define life when the situation gets complicated or tricky.

Sometimes, we start to see the goodness in a person once they’re gone. We start to appreciate their good deeds and their good intentions when we don’t see them anymore. I mean, I do appreciate and grateful to people when they are nice to me or when they do good to me. Thing is, I just don’t want you to become a candidate of someone feeling so guilty about something that you wished you could have done before. Some people post stuff on Facebook like a snap of a pose because they were standing for a minute in the suburbs and sometimes I can’t help but wonder, did they really feel it? Did they sleep there, interacted with the community and talked about their daily lives? Yeah, because at one stage, I did. We did! Somewhat felt like a tourist and whatever you do, you don’t actually fit in, so just pack your things and leave. 

In a way, I started blogging everywhere I go, taking any opportunity, about any thoughts, when I’m in a typing mood, in my laptop which I actually find entertaining and relaxing. Although, sometimes, I am quick to start then I find myself having a difficult time ending it, lol, sort of what writer’s refer to as writer’s block.

I feel like there is something fitting about (continuing to share) my blogging. I’m so thankful for all the blessings that is coming to my life. I love adventures because whenever I am driving all by myself or all alone, it gives me the opportunity to reflect on the daily gifts God has given me and the way He uses difficult circumstances to teach us lessons of patience, humility and love. And for that, I am thankful. 

I will still try to continue to reflect on my life’s events and try to share them on my Facebook page. It might not be all the time but when I can, I will use words and photos as a mirror of life. 

SIMPLY DEFINING my CLOSURE

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown

The word CLOSURE keep running to me little brain after my (final or last) meeting yesterday in Vietnam and i was like trying to find that subject that i can resemble to that matter. Is it weird to feel the need for closure? For whole trip I end up exploring the notion of closure, the more convinced I become that the issue isn’t about closure per se, but rather redefining what closure is. I think these is the part where sunflower came to me mind, I have no idea as to why.. 

Is it maybe the sunflower defines that notion.. The sunflower follows the sun. There's always hope and tomorrow, simply like that.. or maybe Im talking crap right now or maybe it says that when the sunflower bend down and fall its yellow petals unto the ground, it means, ending any kind of relationship or connection or role or I don't know... maybe it doesn't. 

I was on my way to the airport after our meeting yesterday in Hanoi. I had this rather short reflection inside the car and i had this mixed emotions. I felt like I just came out from these very dark cave and I felt so good after seeing the light, it was more of a relief after coming from a crumble situation with all those tears, time and energy for few years. 

For years, I was shackled to the belief that there must be a good end to (any) bad relationship or role, no matter how bad that was and until that happens, its more glorious to move on! I had these past experience dealing with people whom I define 'my past' and clearly no matter how bad they are to me, I feel like... I was able wrapped up that situation and throw all in the bin and i felt good! Until then, that's the part to wipe those hands, clean and go about life with closure...

Sometimes, no matter how good you are to people and agonizing about tying to have these heartfelt and 'necessary' conversations with people with whom you thought you had fallouts but trying seems not to work because only to realize that you're not really important anymore. The statement goes like these... “you got yours, I got mine...” 

This morning, i thought I'm gonna play with my camera and find inspiration to define the word closure. (made me smile just now... ) simply defines as FINALITY? Letting go of what once was? (Yes, i accepted the fact that my husband is dead.) Lots of huge happenings in my life, my past that i can't undo but learning from it. My transition away from what's finished to something new. Simply trying to find something different possibilities. 

I might not have gotten everything I wanted exactly in the way that I had envisioned, but Im glad that I was able to get myself to a place where I understood and accepted a lot of things. 

I was ready to move on and learn to begin a new chapter of my life. Sigh... 

Some days it comes easier than others. There are times when I want to dwell on how much it sucks that I have to work so hard to feel okay sometimes.

On the tough days, I am learning to go inward. I practice positive self-talk, celebrate how far I’ve come, and remind myself that closure is not just one thing. I remind myself that I have the power to create all the closure I need if I keep practicing and having faith.

Lastly, I also learned that you will become a better creature of 'closure' if you don't have any regrets and guilts in your life, no matter how much money you've got, no matter how many countries you've seen or travelled or no matter how far you go, that my friend is no closure for you at all. Forgive yourself and don't grow stubborn and spoiled. Learn to have a good heart and understand that not all people are like you. Be compassionate in the name of love but not in the name of money or material things.

Maybe it’s about learning to become a detective for closure in your everyday life in order to find it in your own way.

...till then, the flowers come and go but hope it doesn't, it remains...

Loved my personalized Bo Sang Umbrella!

I had like a day left before leaving for Bangkok. Suggested place to see was the Umbrella Village, Bor Sang!

I remember it was midday when we went to visit the place, seems that all went for their lunch break. Only few staff were there so I thought to walk around and do some photos.

It's really an interesting village to see when in Chiang Mai. Here, you will see handcraft umbrellas that was beautifully coloured works of art, as well as fans (Chinese-style hand fans that is). The artwork is beautiful and fascinating to watch. I would plan to spend 1-2 hours here, watching and learning.

I dig in a bit about the Bo Sang's umbrella and I found that the traditional umbrellas are made from Saa paper (processed from mulberry bark) and the only information I could find on the history of Bo Sang’s umbrella making indicates that a wandering Thai monk brought the process to his town (Bo Sang) from Burma and the locals embraced the art, making umbrellas in the fall once field work is done for the season. The umbrellas are used as parasols in the sun and even as rain umbrellas because they’re coated with special oils to protect the paper.

This area of Chiang Mai is famous for handcrafted and painted umbrellas and fans, as well as the making of a handmade paper called saa paper. According to our tour guide, this factory was visited by HRH Princess Diana in 1988 alongside the famous Shinawatra Thai Silk factory nearby.

Just after walking around the area of designing the umbrellas. I went to approached one artist who's doing the paint designs. I was so amazed by the skill of the artist - he painted an intricate butterfly with blue flowers design on my umbrella and it took him for about 15 minutes.

Awesome, isn't? Now, im looking forward to join their festival.