SIMPLY DEFINING my CLOSURE

“You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.” ~Unknown

The word CLOSURE keep running to me little brain after my (final or last) meeting yesterday in Vietnam and i was like trying to find that subject that i can resemble to that matter. Is it weird to feel the need for closure? For whole trip I end up exploring the notion of closure, the more convinced I become that the issue isn’t about closure per se, but rather redefining what closure is. I think these is the part where sunflower came to me mind, I have no idea as to why.. 

Is it maybe the sunflower defines that notion.. The sunflower follows the sun. There's always hope and tomorrow, simply like that.. or maybe Im talking crap right now or maybe it says that when the sunflower bend down and fall its yellow petals unto the ground, it means, ending any kind of relationship or connection or role or I don't know... maybe it doesn't. 

I was on my way to the airport after our meeting yesterday in Hanoi. I had this rather short reflection inside the car and i had this mixed emotions. I felt like I just came out from these very dark cave and I felt so good after seeing the light, it was more of a relief after coming from a crumble situation with all those tears, time and energy for few years. 

For years, I was shackled to the belief that there must be a good end to (any) bad relationship or role, no matter how bad that was and until that happens, its more glorious to move on! I had these past experience dealing with people whom I define 'my past' and clearly no matter how bad they are to me, I feel like... I was able wrapped up that situation and throw all in the bin and i felt good! Until then, that's the part to wipe those hands, clean and go about life with closure...

Sometimes, no matter how good you are to people and agonizing about tying to have these heartfelt and 'necessary' conversations with people with whom you thought you had fallouts but trying seems not to work because only to realize that you're not really important anymore. The statement goes like these... “you got yours, I got mine...” 

This morning, i thought I'm gonna play with my camera and find inspiration to define the word closure. (made me smile just now... ) simply defines as FINALITY? Letting go of what once was? (Yes, i accepted the fact that my husband is dead.) Lots of huge happenings in my life, my past that i can't undo but learning from it. My transition away from what's finished to something new. Simply trying to find something different possibilities. 

I might not have gotten everything I wanted exactly in the way that I had envisioned, but Im glad that I was able to get myself to a place where I understood and accepted a lot of things. 

I was ready to move on and learn to begin a new chapter of my life. Sigh... 

Some days it comes easier than others. There are times when I want to dwell on how much it sucks that I have to work so hard to feel okay sometimes.

On the tough days, I am learning to go inward. I practice positive self-talk, celebrate how far I’ve come, and remind myself that closure is not just one thing. I remind myself that I have the power to create all the closure I need if I keep practicing and having faith.

Lastly, I also learned that you will become a better creature of 'closure' if you don't have any regrets and guilts in your life, no matter how much money you've got, no matter how many countries you've seen or travelled or no matter how far you go, that my friend is no closure for you at all. Forgive yourself and don't grow stubborn and spoiled. Learn to have a good heart and understand that not all people are like you. Be compassionate in the name of love but not in the name of money or material things.

Maybe it’s about learning to become a detective for closure in your everyday life in order to find it in your own way.

...till then, the flowers come and go but hope it doesn't, it remains...

...THE THOUGHT OF...

“Life is too short to waste any amount of time on wondering what other people think about you. In the first place, if they had better things going on in their lives, they wouldn't have the time to sit around and talk about you. What's important to me is not others' opinions of me, but what's important to me is my opinion of myself.”  ― C. JoyBell C

Going through the pace of adjustment period is always the part where challenges arises. Before my surgery, I went pretty deep thinking about the pleasant and unpleasant experiences I'm gonna go through after my operation. I noticed that the part of accepting something new especially when it comes to your health is pretty serious. I don't really know if i can make this change especially when it comes to food intake (strict diet menu) in a long term commitment but i will try. lolz


After two to three weeks of not writing my journal. I thought i will be writing again a long paragraphs of thoughts. I remember when i was at the hospital, i started to reflect again on many things especially those experiences that i've encountered from bad and good. I found that there are many people trying to search for love outside themselves and its about searching for someone to show them that love is such a big word and it does mean a lot of things. BUT. in fact, the only person who can actually show you love is YOURSELF. The condition is, IF you open your own heart and forgive, you will eventually find INNER PEACE and not only LOVE. 


There is this friend of mine in Singapore. She always love me since the day one we meet. (12 years ago). She's amazing and i am scared of how much i care and feel the appreciation of how loving she is to me. I am not perfect. I hurt myself sometimes, i hurt her, but we always come to the point of solving things with love. A love friendship. I believe that when you ACCEPT a person for who they are, the day you meet them (no judging the person from the surface)... you will never feel doubt and if there is, you will always go back to the good times and renew. LEARNING how to LOVE is such a tricky one because there will always be challenges that will come along the way. 


Life is really complicated when we complicate it. Im sure you agree with me... but I've learned too that in any relationship there are these few waves that we will go through yet we are still grateful for these feelings, the emotions: the pain, the joy, the sorrow, the heartbreak, the tears of both and neither, there are many people out there who encountered or experienced pain and yet.. we still find LOVE at the end. 


Oh well, that's pretty long one. lolz.. Hope you didn't get bored reading.. lolz. 

FIRST TANDEM OF THE YEAR: UNDERSTAND & FORGIVE --- (and learn from it)

"...people change, even good people, if they get the wrong thing in their head. And not everything is always what it looks like and sometimes just because one person looks weak, they might be very strong, and another person might look like a spooky freak but he might be one of the kindest people you'd ever meet. And I guess I learned that time is slippery...We have to enjoy every second, love with all our hearts, all we can, while we can.”  ― Lee Thompson

How i really wish that sometimes, people will also understand and respect your feelings and NOT take that for granted. Sometimes, in some situations, people always believe that you will ALWAYS understand them, even in an obvious situation that they are the ones at fault. There are many circumstances when we encounter people like this. Does it has to do with familiarity? It's when you open the door to certain people and when that door is fully opened, sadly.. some will just take that as an opportunity, an opportunity for you to become their prey. 

It feels so funny when people don't let go of the past. They stick on that memory and will use that as their defense mechanism to protect their guilt. Pathetic! What a sad way of letting go of someone whom you thought its a good person. 2015 is here and like the rest of us, let go of the past and life must move on. Unfortunately, even if you're avoiding those past (unhappy) experiences and negative people, they are always there. Lucky there's a word.. 'choice". On the other hand, I always believe that when you are kind to these people, you are always the victim of their trashy personalities.

Many experiences came along my way and i tell you, all those experiences thought me to understand the word, FIERCE! Even though this may seem pretty obvious to a lot of people, you still find way to realize how lucky you are.

The other day, i received a message from a good friend, she mentioned to me about her crappy experiences. Apparently, stories were accumulated and she can't take it anymore. I asked her how things happened and she started to tell me.. "i heard from..... " I listened to her stories until she felt better, whilst reading all her stories, i realized that i just wasted 60 seconds of time, reading all these non-sense so i told her.. "you're basically hurt because of the stories, YOU HEARD?..." and she replied and said... "yes, because the person who told me was a close friend of mine..."



The day, i discovered the people who are truly fake (at least from what i've proven was right) i've given another chance (they don't even know that.. lolz..) until i had enough of them and honestly, it was very easy for me to accept who they are.. t'was an A-plus to let go, to understand, to forgive and to never forget what they taught me (on how) to deal with them, perhaps? Mostly, there will be NO space of sorrow or anger. Purely, gained my inner peace... and for their own benefit, it's a free world after all, so i'm just gonna enjoy eating my pop-corn watching them with their own little, tiny, bitsy, mind grinding with all their stories on their brains and proclaim they are always RIGHT.. lolz.. 



I don’t appreciate being judged, and I know I don’t deserve it. Just like none of us deserve misdirected rage from a family member, coworker, or stranger. We have a right to set boundaries and communicate when something is not okay. But the world is a better place when we choose to do that from a place of love and compassion, instead of righteousness and judgment. We all act thoughtlessly at times. Most often we don’t mean to hurt each other. We just don’t recognize or remember how to STOP hurting ourselves.

FIRST AND A HALF OF DECEMBER THOUGHT

I had the pleasure of enjoying my first and half week of December. Meeting up with friends and was able to cope up with my husband's demand.. "you and me time!" Few invitations here and there.. Calendar is a bit busy lately.. lolz..

In terms of life.. generally speaking.: I choose to stay positive even if sometimes, you encounter negative people, right? lolz..

This week, I've been reading few blogs. I thought my wish is to meet the writers but perhaps Santa might skip this part of this year, as they are so many of my favourites. I love to read post about life, wisdom and fresh experiences shared. It's inspiring and sometimes, motivating! To mention, one of my favorite blogger is my sister of course. Her personality really shines through which i adore, plus.. she's not just a mom who works and comes back home and look after her family but she blows my mind, and she always has such a positive outlook on everything. How cool is that.

Anyways, since we've been talking about Gratitudes. I thought I'd say thank you in a different way. Non stop THANK YOU! As always, as long as we keep going and moving on, daily routines its just something normal?

Big love and big thanks my beau-friends for reading my fb journal. Enjoy your December.... (Up's and Down's we encounter sometimes... but perhaps, its like that, noh?) Sharing you this Japanese proverb and sharing you too love and peace my coolest online friends..

BLISSFUL TUESDAY!

BLISSFUL TUESDAY: "Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: LOVE, PRAYER, and FORGIVENESS." - H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Hi my Beau-Friends! Hope all is well. Another Monday is over and Tuesday, here it is. Sun's up, blue skies plus the clouds that create arts up there. Just beautiful! It was a fruitful and healthy day yesterday though it was a pretty slow start but it pulled up after. yeah, i know.. nothing is perfect, right? -- sharing you my good start of the day! 

(photo borrowed from google search)